It would have been great to see this movie only for the big hair transplant scene. Here’s the recently uncovered story line:
Lex Luthor is angry at his premature hair loss. He decides to develop a balding ray to make everyone else into a chrome dome, just like him. The ray even affects Superman, who’s very vain and self-conscious about his hair.
Before confronting Lex, Superman finds the best hair transplant surgeons. Armed with kryptonite hole-punchers, they move hairs from one part of Superman’s head to another. Finally, a confident Superman confronts Lex only to learn that the traces of Kryptonite in his blood left him vulnerable. Lex traps Superman in his lair and proceeds to steal his super-hair and plant it into his own head. Now, he would be the only one in the world with hair.
As Lex shows off his new locks, Superman is rescued, but too embarrassed to leave the house, like a Jewish girl right after her Sweet 16 nose job. So the people in Metropolis gather all their remaining hair - from their arms, legs and pubes - and donate it to Superman. Finally, The Man of Steel & Pubes can leave the house with his weird, curly hair and defeat Lex Luthor.
U.S. Survey Proves the Earth is Flat: Completely Scientific With Charts and Everything
In a poll released today, 64% of Americans believe the earth is flat. Fourteen percent believed it was very, very flat. Six percent ate the survey form. Despite centuries of globular representations of the earth, telescopic photos of other planets, and photos from the Space Shuttle clearly showing a round earth, American public opinion begs to differ.
In response to the survey results, Republican senator Jerry Moran of Kansas proposed a Constitutional amendment to change public school textbooks to reflect the new findings. “At the very least, I believe the flat earth theory should be taught alongside the so-called round-earth theory,” proposed the senator. “However, we must never forget all those brave European explorers whose ships fell off the edge of the earth in the 1500’s and 1600’s. I will forever honor their sacrifices, as long as there is oxygen in my kidneys and blood surges through my lymph nodes.”